Top tips for ... working with your emotions

The first time you are made redundant is as bad as your first relationship break-up.  It feels incredibly personal and its understandable if you want to withdraw from the world.

Who else could possible understand what you are going through?  Well, I do for a start.  And there are plenty of other people in the same boat.  There is just the side effect of wanting to hit everyone who tells you that.

Here are some of the emotions that you are probably going through and my top tips for clawing your way out of the thick fog that is currently clouding your usual good judgement: -

1. GRIEF.  Has someone died?  Well actually, it does feel like someone has.  and no matter what people tell you, its acceptable to feel that way.  Talk through your grief with someone close.  Or don't if you don't want to.  Just allow yourself the time to work through these strong emotions.  If you don't, they will come back at the worse time and take over.
2.  ANGER.  This is perfectly understandable.  Sometimes it is acceptable and this is the time.  Let yourself get angry.  Don't apologise to yourself.  Just don't let it consume you.
3. DENIAL.  "This couldn't possibly be happening to me".  Well sorry to break the bubble but fairy godmother isn't going to wave her wand.  It is happening, here and now.  Get used to it.  Plan for any possible future now whilst you can still use some of your company's help and resources.
4. PARANOIA.  Was someone planning this all along?  Well actually, yes they probably were.  Redundancy is rarely something that organisations suddenly decide.  What is another word for a paranoid person?  Someone who had good intuition.  Sounds like a good skill on your CV surely?
5. FRUSTRATION.  You can't speed up time.  You can't see the future.  You don't know what's going to happen, nor do you have a lot of control.  There is nothing you can do except concentrate on your future.  Frustration is natural.  To combat this extremely tiring emotion, develop your CV.   Identify what your strengths are now.  It'll help you realise the full depth of your skills.
6. REVENGE.  Life is so unfair and your bosses need to know just how unappreciated you feel.  Have you thought about slashing car tires?  Smashing a few windows?  And this will grant you a bad reference and a free trip in a police car.  Try to challenge your anger in a more fruitful way.  Boxing in a gym is fantastic - good cardio and a better physique is the ultimate revenge tool.
7. WORRY.  How are you going to pay the mortgage?  What if you cannot sell the house?  How can you survive on benefits?  Financial worries are the single biggest emotion caused by redundancy.  There is only one way out of this.  Be practical.  If your mortgage is your biggest worry, get mortgage protection now (some mortgage companies take a few months to get it set up).  If you don't know what benefits you have, look it up now.  Find out exactly what you can live on after your redundancy settlement has cleared.  The worry won't go away, but it'll buy you time and sooner or later your brain will kick back in again.
8. DEPRESSION.  You have lost control.  You are no longer required.  Your workplace is planning on moving on without you.  You feel useless.  Worthless.  Unloved.  And what's worse, these thoughts will continue to pop in your head long after the time when most people think you have accepted the worst.  Redundancy does not just affect your emotions, its affects your health.  Depression is a very real danger.  Watch out for it.  Talk to someone, anyone.  Do not let this one fester.
9. RELIEF.  You will have realised something was wrong and now its all out in the open.  Now you can start to do something.  Its not what you would ever have chosen - but at least you now know the worst.
10. ACCEPTANCE.  Finally.  You've gone through the grief cycle.  Although you may continue to hit one of the troughs every now and again, you are now ready for moving on.  Life does go on.  Honestly.

And for those who are interested in that kind of thing, here is your emotional journey in nice tidy graph form.