Anyone who wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am will recognise these sentiments.
  • The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
  • Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
  • What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
  • When there’s a will, I want to be in it.
  • A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
  • A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
  • Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
  • Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
  • Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.
  • Don’t be irreplaceable; if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
  • Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
  • Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
  • Get a new car for your spouse; it’ll be a great trade!
  • I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
  • I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
  • Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at maths.
  • Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
  • Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.
  • There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
  • We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?